So I just finished part two of my dinner tonight, because after about ten bites (maybe 15 if I’m really hungry) I’m suddenly full. I know I’m definitely in the part of my pregnancy where it’s recommended to eat several smaller meals throughout the day. And when I was in ‘ultra dieting mode’ months ago, that’s how I ate as well. But then it was fun, almost a challenge. Now it’s just annoying.
Also annoying, heartburn. As much as I’ve tried to lessen it’s blow, it still sucks. I can only tap dance around foods I love and crave for so long before giving in. Middle of the day indulgences are, of course, better than right before bed time, but sometimes it makes no difference. The only somewhat consistent force in easing my suffering is being proactive. When I feel it starting, I don’t mess around. Two Tums.
Which leads to annoying pregnancy symptom number three: sleeplessness. Sometimes I’m just uncomfortable, sometimes I can’t breathe (thank you pregnancy sinuses!), sometimes my brain won’t shut off, and sometimes I just have to pee or I wake up with heartburn. Whatever the cause, when I find myself awake in the middle of the night, I’m finding it much harder to go back to sleep, probably because all those individual factors are working together against me. And it’s making me really tired. And cranky, but that’s also part of something else altogether.
Of course, a lot of little things have been getting on my nerves lately, no matter how much I try to avoid being overly sensitive. Semi-random occurrences of crying, pouting, and lashing out are becoming more and more frequent. I know it’s not really my fault, but I still feel pretty guilty that Brandon takes the brunt of it, especially since he’s been pretty freaking amazing at taking care of me. The hormones are taking over, though. No sense in pretending otherwise.
I will admit I’m starting to get a little of those ‘beginning of the end’ nerves. We’re starting to gather all the must-haves before the baby makes her grand entrance. Also I’m trying to get my head in the right place. I’m not scared (maybe just a tiny bit around the edges) thanks to all the support, and reinforcement I’ve been getting through reading positive birth stories. I’ve come to terms with the risks and released them, along with so many other things I cannot control at this point. Life and death are equally miraculous and powerful, so it seems kind of foolish to look them in the eye and demand to have my own way.
One last annoying thing I’m trying to figure out: what to wear. I understand that due to the nature of this process, my modesty is of little concern, but I still want to have a plan for how to make myself comfortable. It’s really impossible to guess how I will feel in that moment, so I kind of think this task is bordering on impossible. But that doesn’t stop me from trying.