This one is a little mushy. I won’t go into detail over the silly things that managed to bring me to tears last night, but through it all, there is one constant.
For anybody that’s spent much time with Brandon and I together, it seems perfectly obvious why we exist as a couple. And while he’s been such a force in my life these past five years, I don’t want to say that I take him for granted. Sometimes, still, his understanding of my brain as well as my emotions blows me away. Or maybe it’s not so much that he understands the causes and mysteries inside my head and heart, but he sure knows how to manage me when it all starts pouring out (or becomes evident that I’m bottling it up).
There were more than a few days at the beginning of ‘us’ when he’d become frustrated or upset at not being able to find a fix for my funk. And after telling him over and over to not feel so responsible for my personal happiness every moment of every day, he began to devise a tactic to deal with me in his own way. And these days he’s seemed to have perfected it, and is quite the pro at handling all my weird dreams, obsessions, mood swings, aches and complaints, thanks in large part to my pregnancy.
(Disclosure: I’m probably prone to these things any old day, but my filter is much depleted.)
So thank you to the man who does not try to fix me, only find a way to comfort me. From making me laugh to a well timed hug, to insisting I vent about whatever is making me sigh very loudly over and over, he just defuses me. And yes, even on the rare occasions where he might actually be the problem, at least from my perspective, his quickness to apologize often makes me realize I too am to blame, and opens up the floor for a real discussion of what went wrong.
I only hope that we can share many, many more decades like the past few years. And through all the challenges we face, I pray his goodness endures and continues to bring out the best in me.