Gender Queer

It’s no secret. I’m a pretty girly kind of girl. I don’t mind being a bit stereotypical sometimes. I like pink. I love going shopping. I have an obsession with shoes and purses. I like wearing dresses and shoes that are cute even if they hurt my feet a little. When I was a kid, I loved my Barbies and hated getting dirty.
My sister is none of these things. I think she’s beautiful, but her standard uniform is a tee shirt and jeans. I had to drag her shopping once to get her just one cute top, after trying on and vetoing twenty others. She doesn’t wear make up (doesn’t need to either), lives in comfy shoes, and is pretty happy all the same. When we played with our Barbie dolls together she’d get mad at me for wanting to change outfits all the time instead of going on an adventure. And a lot of times, she just gave up on me and went to play with our brother.
My brother is pretty unique himself. He’s been a ‘guys guy’, played countless hours of video games, and kept collections of rubber snakes and bugs around as a kid. But he also harbors a very artistic side, never got much into sports and managed to come out pretty balanced and happy.
I do wonder sometimes how much ‘traditional’ gender roles influenced our behavior versus the open nurturing attitude my parents took towards our interests and sense of style. These are things that have been on my mind a lot lately, as people are asking me questions about my  preference of gender, and if we’ll find out before it’s born.
I have a lot of issues with this, though. I don’t want to ‘find out’ because, for one, the ultrasound technician could be wrong.
For two, I don’t want to divide this child’s world into pink and blue. Dolls and cars are not just for girls and boys respectively. I want to nurture whatever beginning inclinations appear, however subtly. I don’t want to miss those nuances because I couldn’t see past a cute outfit or a toy that I would have loved to play with when I was little.
For three, I know too often a person is born who fits even farther outside what some consider to be socially acceptable. I want to nurture happiness and self confidence in whatever body my child is given.
So it seems pretty simple, right? Just wait until the baby is born, right?
That’s all well and good, except Brandon doesn’t want to wait to find out. And I have this problem with being deathly curious once a piece of information can be easily relayed to me. So it’s not like they could tell him and not me. Because then I might explode. (Or something like that.)  It’s not like Brandon doesn’t agree with my reasons for not wanting to know. He just seems to think it will all be ok regardless. And in all honesty, it probably will. But it still seems like a huge responsibility that I don’t want to screw up.


3 thoughts on “Gender Queer

  1. By the way, your parents had no scientific proof until each of you were born, what gender each of you would be.Your Mom was shocked that Josh was a guy, “We always have girls in my family” were her words, but I think she forgot there were 2 of us involved. For me, the main reason for knowing in advance would be so people know what kinds of clothes to stock up on, but even there, baby clothes are pretty gender neutral for a few months anyway.

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