Chic Flick

It’s no lie… those movies are for those who are in love with love. Where happy endings abound after seemingly impossible odds.
I think sometimes with great remorse over all of the bad decisions I’ve made in my life. And yet if I subtract a single one, I would not be here today with sunshine in my heart.
There are a lot of big decisions coming up for Brandon and I. When to start a family, and where. What are we going to do for ourselves and for each other. I would not be surprised to see things get harder before they get easier, but only because we have been so lucky these past five years.
Sunday morning when we got up with the dog, I was tragically hung over by utterly miscalculating the strength of the drinks I had been consuming the night before. Brandon had the good sense to make me leave before doing too much harm to myself, and drove me home even as I irrationally wept over how I must be holding him back. As I was fetching water and ibuprofen, I found myself apologizing profusely for my silliness.
There were times over the past few years that I’d had that same intoxicated conversation with him about all my shortcomings and how, in my eyes, they hang like a ball and chain around his happiness. I only say this because the only times I’ve ever seen him unhappy is when I am at my lowest. At least until now.
On Sunday, as I apologized for my behavior, Brandon laughed at me, knowingly.
His struggles to figure out what the next step should be are not because I have failed him in some way. I have to keep reminding myself of this, since I sometimes forget to remember to forgive myself and enjoy my happiness.
Perhaps this life would make itself a good movie for other hopeless romantics to enjoy too.

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