The search for a shoe

I will admit to spending probably at least 24 hours online (over multiple weeks, obviously) and perusing hundreds, if not thousands of shoes.
If you know me at all, I love shoes.
Also, I am cursed with wide feet, making the majority of all fabulous shoes unavailable to me. There are a few remarkable pairs that run wide, even if they’re not specifically sized as such, that my feet will tollerate. Aside from that, when I force my feet into shoes that don’t fit, various parts of my feet and/or toes like to swell up where they’re being rubbed. It’s gross, painful, and just plain cruel.
So for a while I had limited my search to only shoes that come in wide sizes. There are two options (more or less): Ugly and Expensive.
Ugly shoes are common, and appear to be designed for women with other foot/walking maladies, and could easily be accessorized with elastic waistband pants and a walker.
Expensive shoes are actually very beautiful. There is one designer in particular who makes lovely bridal footwear, Stuart Weitzman. I had been eyeing these in particular because of the lace that would match my dress wonderfully.

Stuart Weitzman – Chantelle

For a mere $375, of course. Which would put them well over half the price of my gown. I just couldn’t quite swallow it. (I think most people would run the other direction, while I was in serious contemplation of pinching my pennies to get there.) Like I said, I really love shoes.
So I continued my search, moving on to non-wide shoes. There are definitely styles that lend themselves more to comfort, and I read all the reviews and ratings for fit. While plain white statin shoes abound, I really was hoping to find something with a little flair that suited the retro style I was aiming for. I found some very interesting feathered pumps and really thought for a minute that I might be able to pull them off. I still think they’re awfully cute and fun!

Nina – Xtina

Brandon thought they were kind of stupid though. Although he did also tell me I could wear whatever shoes I wanted, I thought that wasn’t really the effect I should be having on my husband that day.
Let me also say that looking for white shoes on a website with a white background is a little tricky. Especially when you’re sorting through hundreds of thumbnail sized pictures. Lace doesn’t really translate very well in photographs of that size either, so I must have overlooked the next shoe a dozen times before I realized what it actually was.
I had found a few brands of shoes that were particularly interesting and decided to just search through all of their pumps to see if I could find something in a different color (red?) or metalic or something that didn’t look like it belonged on a stripper or an elderly person.
I saw this Pour La Victorie Bridal collection a while ago but didn’t really think too much of them until I noticed their cute little blue soles. And then I read that on the bottom they also read “I” and “Do” in rhinestones. Really! I realized these are also covered in lace, with a little satin rosette. Must. Have.

Pour la Victoire Bridal – Carla

They’re officially a 4″ heel, which is a little taller than I wanted, but they don’t look that tall or painful, so I figured I’d give them a shot. Plus they’re rumored to run wide.
I’m a little too much in love with them already. And then Zappos was brilliant and gave me a free shipping upgrade so I can try them on tonight. They might be perfect. If they’re not, I might try a different size. Or I might take them to a shoe repair place to see if they can be made more comfortable (translation: wide). And there’s always the chance that when I see them in person, I’ll think they’re kind of ugly. Or they could be the wrong shade of white. Or, or…
Regardless, this is exactly why the shoe process is so involved for me. They are little works of art that I expect to adorn my feet with a fair amount of comfort.
And I love them.

For Tiff

I went to my new eye doctor yesterday. It was a pretty pleasant experience, as far as doctors go. Dr. Ulangca was very personable and a lot more conversational than my last optometrist. The rest of the staff was pretty nice, too, but it’s really hard to compete with the awesome team that Dr. Bennett has. They called me by name when I walked in the door. Granted it was because I had a few issues with my glasses, but they always made it right.
I was more than a little hesitant to walk away from such service, but I think Houston Pierce Optical will treat me well too.

So we went through the motions of the exam. I let her know up front that I was looking to switch to contacts. She told me a lot of information I already know (but is good to hear again), asked me if I had any brand preferences, and concerns. She also talked to me about all the reasons to not leave in contacts overnight. I told her she needn’t worry because I know that my eyes don’t close all the way when I sleep and contacts dry out. She asked me if anyone had ever told me what to do about that. Um no?
Well there’s this tape you can put on your eyelids…
Yeah, not for me.
Also, there’s a nighttime eye gel. She recommended Genteal, and described it as basically Vaseline for your eyeballs. Well, it’s not tape, so I gave it a try.

It was minimally messy, but the weird blurry vision was the most interesting effect. Obviously if you have a thick film over your eyeballs, you’re not going to see well. It felt pretty great though, after struggling to take out my contacts the first time. I’m getting ahead of myself though.
So after the first part of the exam, she went out and found me some contact lenses for me to try over the next week.
I have contacts! Cool!
And then she put drops in my eyes to dilate them. And then told me to wash my hands and put the contacts in. Going in was super easy, thankfully. But the combination of the dilation and not being able to see close up, combined with this new feeling on my eyeballs: whoa. On top of all that I’d been fighting a headache & ‘off’ stomach most of the day. More bright lights, and I was clear to go. More or less.
I made it home in one piece, had some toast, and decided to lay down. In the evening I was off to the store in search of this eye goo. I walked around Meijer looking (apparently) like an anime character with my eyes still mostly dilated, but managed to find what I needed. And that night I gave it a try.
Of course, I had to get my contacts out first. Ug. Ouch, seriously. I’m not sure if it would have been better if I had taken off my mascara first, but my eyes were just so tired and stressed that getting the contacts out was quite a chore.
After my eventual success, I squirted out a little of the goop and put it down in my bottom eyelid. Blink blink. Fuzzy vision (again), stumble to the bed, and get in and close my eyes.
This morning one of my eyes was still pretty sore, so I put in a little more gel and went about my morning routine only half-blurry. I wiped off the extra before my makeup and quite frankly today my eyes feel great. Oh yeah, I didn’t put in my contacts this morning because I’m only supposed to wear them for 6 hours, and I’ll be out late tonight.
Sorry for all the play-by-play, but I promised my sister I’d tell her how the eye goop went!


Every day seems to be even more un-bride-y than the last, these days. My brain is just mush when it comes to trying to sort out details. The overwhelming list of all the things left to be set in stone is nauseating. Ug. Yesterday I asked Brandon if he thought we could elope still. He gave me such a sad face. “Nevermind,” I said.
I don’t really want to elope, but I really don’t want to be the one who has the final say on all these things that I could do without. I never really cared much about the wedding, aside from the dress. I would very much love to just be married.

Losers are winners

So officially I didn’t win the “Beat the Boss” contest. I don’t feel a bit bad about it, though, especially since the guy who won lost over 30% of his body weight. In 4 months! If I had attempted something like that I’d be around 110lbs and bordering on underweight. So no, I didn’t win the first place prize, but I still am getting my $200. And my life back.
This past week I’ve been SO cranky. I honestly can’t say how anyone could survive a weight loss reality show. Every week, the stress and drama and wondering if your body can perform under those conditions. Bleh. I’m so glad I can get back to taking care of my body on my terms.
So last night we went out to dinner. And I had a beer. One of my favorites from Mad Anthony’s that I wait all winter and spring to get my hands on. It’s called Summer Daze, and it’s delish!

I’m also thinking about not counting my calories every day. At some point I’d like to be able to maintain or be able to lose weight without the commitment to tracking every little morsel. But it’s going to take a lot of practice, I think. And there will be no guarantees. (Which is one of the main reasons I rely on counting calories: it’s almost as good as a guarantee!) I haven’t decided if or when I will start this experiment, but I know I really want to get back in a good rhythm and good mental & emotional space so I can focus. There is also a lot of reading I should do about ‘intuitive eating’ before I go diving off head first. So we’ll see.

Three cheers for Brandon

I’m officially out of my funk, partially perhaps because I’m too sore & tired (& chock full of post-workout endorphins) to be cranky any longer.
Also in part to Brandon’s general awesomeness. He went with me to the gym yesterday; helped me out on my technique and also let me show off my new buff-ness. Today while I was ripping up a different set of muscles he stayed home and made me dinner. On the grill (the manliest of cooking methods). Salmon. It was scrumptious.

I’m not really sure what’s going to happen tomorrow. My original plan for the week was:
Monday, run, chest & shoulder lifting
Tuesday, run, back & abs/core
Wednesday, bike ride OR biceps/triceps
Thursday, which ever I didn’t do Wednesday.
Friday, legs
Saturday, 5k
I know, it looks so very painfully dull and overly ambitious. Plus I also forgot to factor in my hair cut tomorrow. It’s lovely to sit at the salon for an hour and a half being pampered. But it doesn’t really fit into my plan. Tomorrow, then I will get my hairs done and then head to the gym for what I’m expecting to be a very painful, if not abbreviated 5k. Last time it took me 45 minutes. Today, running felt like the worst kind of torture & I barely got over a mile in 20, walking half the time. Pretty sad, really.
So I guess we’ll see how that goes. At least there’s only a few more days that this is worth any cash, and after that I might take a week (or at least a couple days) off.
P.S. I have had a seriously acidy stomach all day, so I think despite all my best intentions, I’m going to have to take the night off. Shrug.

Beat the Boss

In one week I’ll weigh in for the completion of the Beat the Boss challenge at work. I spoke to one of the ladies in our Indianapolis office and she said that pretty much anyone who lost any weight is going to get $200. Which is pretty sweet, but considering how much I’ve spent on clothes that actually fit, I pretty much need to win this thing in order to actually come out ahead.
I know I went a little crazy when my closet seemed to expire all at once. Everything was so ill fitting, I was embarrassed to dress for work. I’m feeling, more or less, comfortable in my own skin. I’ve been wearing shorts this summer, something I can’t remember doing since I was 17 and discovered capri pants. And even as we speak I’m wearing a dress to work: 2nd time in two weeks. (Pats self on back for starting to follow through with my “slave to fashion” rant from months ago.)
Maybe I’ve gotten a little too complacent, as my weight, diet & exercise routine have all been pretty inconsistent, especially considering the looming ‘deadline.’ And if I’m this lackadaisical today, what is going to happen this fall, this winter, the holidays, and at some point in the future, the wedding? It seems to be a never ending cycle of meeting goals and then trying to find new motivation and more goals for the future.
Maybe I’m just sulking about having to spend every night this week in the gym just to get back to where I was before my trips to Chicago and NYC.
The crazy thing is, I’m only halfway to where I really should be. I’m not sure how I should feel about that. If I actually make it the rest of the way, I will weigh something like what I did at 16. I guess I’ve always been ok with being a little extra curvy, but now given the choice, I’m not sure. At 120lbs, will people call me too thin?(Even though I know that’s a healthy weight!) Will I care? Will I be able to maintain that weight?
Bleh. Such a daunting prospect, even having come this far. No cheery thought to end this post with, so I’ll just quit my moping and get ready to work out.

To Do

*Give Brandon the addresses we have already to type up (x)
*Give Brandon the phone # to the Dekalb County court house, so he can book the judge. (x)
*Make a choice between real and silk flowers for centerpieces and other decorations. Talk to Mom about arrangements. Go look at flowers with Brandon.
*Talk to a florist about bouquets (& maybe get a quote for everything else)
*Start discussing and writing ceremony. See if judge has a standard we can start from.
*Get with Jessie and Tiff about dresses. (I still really love this one, in red)

Mori Lee: Ava Collection 426