Crazy talk

I had a ‘wedding nightmare’ last night.

It wasn’t anything particularly horrific, but I was very upset in my dream. And when I woke up I was upset about how horribly I acted in my dream because I was upset.

I don’t remember why, but for some reason we ended up getting married earlier than planned. In my dream I didn’t wear my dress, we hadn’t even bought wedding rings, and we didn’t go to the museum. I think we were sitting in a room basically just listening to a sermon like at a church. And then at the very end he made Brandon & I stand up so he could say, “You may now kiss the bride.”

No vows, no aisle. It was weird.

But the part I was the most upset about in my dream was the money. I knew we had spent a lot of money on deposits and flowers and stationery etc., and none of it was used. I was rude to the people who were able to make it on short notice and I cried about the money.

In reality, I would probably be happy with a very small, casual ceremony. Brandon had a picture of what he wanted, and that’s what we going to do, though. (Yes, I know it sounds backwards that he wanted the whole she-bang, but it’s true.) And I’m happy to comply. If I must be super girly and put on the big white dress, I am easily convinced.
I suppose I should go a little easier on my dream self. The only real thing stressing me out about this wedding is money and how to make things fit into a budget I’m not even 100% sure will fully manifest. I know times are tough; and I wonder if I should have never even asked my parents for anything. At least then if it doesn’t come through, we wouldn’t be ridiculously over budget.
Ug. I’m making myself sick just thinking about it.
The good news is, Brandon is phenomenal at both calming me down, and looking at financial situations very rationally. I lean on him so much when I start spinning like this. So no matter what happens between now & then, there will be him. And me.

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