so this is why you should stick to a sleep schedule

Quarter til one as I’m starting to write this. My mind is racing, unable to land on any one particular thought that will allow me some peace of mind. He went to bed an hour and a half ago, I meant to be right behind.
I keep getting lost in various distractions, miscellaneous interactions, social information & other bright flashing lights I cannot look away from. I’m thoroughly intrigued by people, how they behave towards and apart from each other. I like to meet new people, find out their ticks and quirks, push their buttons when possible.
Brandon is my antithesis, but our juxtaposition has guided me through the past few years. He’s solid when I’m shaky. Calm when I’m on the verge of losing it. Logical when reason has escaped me. Also: shy when I’m bold. Often: content when I’m curious.
All this time he has seen me as someone trustworthy, and so I’ve behaved as such. Sometimes though, I worry. If I continue to meet new people (men), will he continue to be ok with it? Human nature suggests that jealousy is, on some level, inevitable. And, based on previous experiences, once the jealousy starts, there’s nothing I can do about it. Will it come to this?
I really hope not.
I’ve done everything I can think of to be very clear about who I am spending time with and why. I think that’s fair, and he seems content with my behavior. For the time being. Or maybe forever; he is always surprising me with his ability to ‘get’ me.
Not bad…


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