tick tock

Today I have to spend an extra 15 minutes lunching because I spent an extra 45 minutes on Monday making sure that a salesman had all the quotes he needed for his meeting Tuesday. It’s excruciating, honestly. And up until a few weeks ago I had rarely even taken my full hour because there were just too many things that needed done. I understand the need to set limits on overtime (I’d rather have a flat 40 hours than no job at all), but in my gut I worry that I’m not keeping the customers as happy as I should. On the flip side to that, sometimes no amount of time spent agonizing over details will make someone happy. So I shrug and try to leave my work at work.
Night before last, I woke up at 3:30a.m. having dreamed that I had just spent a whole day at work, a stressful one at that! I couldn’t fall back asleep until 4:30 and then my alarm went off at 5:30 to begin a cranky and exhausting day. I try not to show how utterly frustrated I get, but I think yesterday it may have leaked out a little. Oh well. Nothing a little extra radiance & more “service with a smile” can’t remedy.
Yesterday I also got to talk to my brother for a while. We’re both contemplating choices that will have pretty significant impacts on each of our lives. He’s getting ready to graduate and facing endless possibilities, but also trying to keep his relationship with his girlfriend intact & growing. My personal life is at a lovely lull, but I wonder if I should be spending more time developing myself in other ways. Work offers me tuition reimbursement with only a few catches: good grades, career related studies (my CURRENT career, that is). I find the idea of studying finance or business or even engineering completely mind-numbing. However, Josh pointed out that you can always get more than just the intended curriculum out of any educational experience. Also, he said if I was just interested in keeping my resume fresh during my child-rearing years, if I actually get them, I could also actively volunteer. There are lots of youth programs in my area that would probably fit my interests just fine. Plus I adore spending time with kids, of course.
All of this gets me thinking about how I spend my time each week. Work, cooking & house keeping, going to the gym, spending time with friends and family, and just getting to be with Brandon. Oh yes, and sleep.
Pretty much anything I add to my life is going to take away time with Brandon. Neither of us is really too excited about such a prospect, but I’m guessing it’d be much less painful than we anticipate.
So many choices to consider…
And all the while I am feeling like the longer I don’t do something, the more I’m slacking off. That bookshelf of unread books is calling me, though. Oh delicious nothingness, too.

More contemplation required.


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